A new year is a fresh year to ‘start over.’ It tends to be a time where people remind themselves of all the things they want to do, accomplish, and excel in the year ahead. The new year thrusts people into a space of temporarily refocusing on all the larger ticket items they think they failed to accomplish in the year before. A time to set the tone for the year ahead. A time that lets us think of an end goal that is going to make us love and see ourselves in a different light. But what if there is nothing wrong with you? What if there does not need to be a ‘new you’?
We as humans lose traction at goals because we are conditioned to have a ‘go big’ mindset. Set lofty goals; focusing on the end zone and not the path it takes to get there. This mindset quickly causes us to constantly feel we are falling short because the day to day progress does not correlate to that ‘big goal’ we established at the start of the new year. We become discouraged and might forgo the goal in its entirety or ebb and flow between moments of traction and complacency. This causes us to feel shame and disappointment with ourselves.
What if a new year is a time to welcome the journey of growth not a focus of the destination? Embracing the concept that change…longstanding change, does not have a stopping point. A path that embodies ups and downs, periods of high energy and low energy, wins and losses, times of frustration and times of joy. An opportunity to love, respect and appreciate ourselves at all points along the path.
Here is a quick list of suggestions for embracing your never ending journey of growth and development of the already amazing human being you are today:
Reflect on the past year and years that precede it.
- What are the common themes of your goals?
- Why do you tend to focus on those areas?
- What are you dissatisfied with in relation to those goals in current time and where are you trying to get to? Why?
- What are you proud of?
- What do you appreciate about yourself?
- Erik Erikson’s final stage of human development is Integrity vs Despair. This means that when we come to the end of our lives, we can reflect on the life we have lived with a level of contentment with all we have done and experienced. Leaving us with a sense of wisdom and fulfillment.
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- Do you feel fulfilled in your life?
- Why or why not?
- What would fulfillment look like? What does it mean to you?
- How can you be more present in our daily movements?
- Do you feel fulfilled in your life?
- Create a few goals that embody love for ourselves that is not conditional. Learning to love ourselves where we are at, not where we think we need to be:
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- (Some of the most common new year resolutions tend to focus on the following: Weight loss, learn a new skill, exercise, travel more, decrease smoking/drinking, spend more time with family)
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- Examples of goals that embody where we are:
- This year, I will focus on connecting with movement and activities that feel good for my body. I will slowly integrate this into my life as a way to provide my body with what it needs.
- I will reignite my curiosity in life. I will ask more questions, wonder more, and pay attention to what my brain, heart and spirit are being drawn towards.
- I will spend more time with people who see all of me, show up for me, and that fill my cup.
- Examples of goals that embody where we are:
- Make time to do quarterly check-ins with oneself.
- This is essential to objectively assess how we are meandering on the path.
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- What have I learned?
- What has changed since my last check in?
- Where am I on my path of self awareness, growth and change?
- What is my body telling me? What is my curiosity bringing to my life?
- Remember: Being curious and being judgmental are two different things. Curiosity allows us to safely access the information that is creating a detour in our lives. Judgment, well that just stops us dead in our tracks.
Cheers to a new year of exploration, meandering on your path of self exploration and embracing the opportunity to love yourself unconditionally.
Written by: Dana Rivera, LCPC
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